Communication Enhancement

RELATIONSHIP COACHING, CLICK HERE

All other problems aside, communication is the biggest problem couples, friends and colleagues face. In our western desire to obtain and possess, have our overly busy lives lost what really counts? In our running to and fro, have we lost the ability to communicate our feelings to others?

Listed on this page are some helpful ideas, articles, tests and sites that can assist people in becoming better communicators. Many people wrongly think of themselves as good communicators because they talk. Talking and explaining yourself thoroughly is NOT good communication, it is only one fraction of the circle of communication.

What is communication?

It is MUCH MORE than an exchanging of words!

1. COMMUNICATION IS A CIRCLE, NOT A ONE-WAY STREET!
2. A SENDER & A RECEIVER BOTH MUST PARTICIPATE.
3. A SENDER SPEAKS AND EXPRESSES CONCERNS, THOUGHTS, OPINIONS, DESIRES IN A CLEAR, MANNER AND DOUBLE CHECKS TO SEE IF THE RECEIVER RECEIVED THE MESSAGE.
4. A RECEIVER HEARS THE MESSAGE, CONSIDERS THE MESSAGE (without thinking about what to say next), MAY REPEAT THE MEANING BACK TO THE SENDER, BUT DEFINITELY ACKNOWLEDGES RECEIVING THE INFORMATION BY: A. SPEAKING B. SHOWING GENUINE CONCERN C. BEING OPEN AND SENSITIVE D. GAINING A HEIGHTENED AWARENESS OF THE SENDER'S FEELINGS  E. ASKING QUESTIONS. WITHOUT QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS, THE SENDER WASTED HIS/HER TIME.

Until the above CIRCLE has been completed, the subject should not change, nor should the RECEIVER become the SENDER! Communication takes thought. It's a game where each player MUST participate or there is no score, no resolution, no understanding and NO communication. There is no such thing as passive communication where one person sits and listens while the other one talks. That is a lecture! However, when the RECEIVER does not participate in the communication process, the SENDER'S only two choices are to stop TRYING to communicate or continue to TRY to communicate. This puts the sender in a very awkward position. The role of RECEIVER is fifty percent of the communication process, so attempting to communicate with a non-participating RECEIVER is like playing football without a RECEIVER! No team member can score without a RECEIVER.  It just does not work that way. Communication is playing TOGETHER, trying to make something happen, trying to make life better. No SENDER can make a point, a score, or simply share thoughts and desires without an active RECEIVER.

We all share the responsibility of being a SENDER and being a RECEIVER, of taking turns to complete the circle of communication.

Self-evaluation and self-improvement are key to success in life, business and relationships. Below are some fun and interesting tests. They are free. In learning more about yourself, you can see where changes need to be made. After the test, come back to SIM for more education on communication and relationships.

FREE Self-evaluation Tests offered at Queendom.com

1. 'Advanced Multidimensional Personality Matrix' Test
2. Communication Test
3. Self-Esteem Test
4. Emotional IQ Test
5. Optimistic or Pessimistic Test

Why do people want/need to communicate?

Everyone has the need to be understood, especially by loved ones. In the circular exchange of communication, relationships can grow and improve. In a society that has turned its attention to gaining the things of the world, have we lost the time and ability to live fully, to know others deeply, and to love without restraint? Without true communication we can't feel the heart of another and unless we can feel with them and through them we lose the ability to love them to the core and to be loved back with equal fervor. One by one, we can get back what we are missing in our lives. Love. It all starts with competent communication.

Where does the process go wrong? How does communication break down?

A staggering majority of people talk and think about themselves, don't listen or respond or show interest in others. If, while listening to another, you are thinking of what to say next, you're not listening. If, while listening, you are thinking how the subject relates to you and your interests, you are not listening. If, while listening, you're thinking about work, kids or the ball game, you're not listening. Listening means you listen to the words, the inflection in the voice, you watch expressions, you are genuinely interested in knowing what the other person has to say. After they finish, as a good receiver, you do not begin a discourse on your own life or your own thoughts, you RESPOND to what the person said. You ask questions that show you were actually paying attention. Those questions are followed with other questions, questions that will come naturally if you are sincerely interested. You demonstrate your interest in the person by showing concern and genuine interest in THEIR words. There is no better way to show interest and concern, than asking questions.

The preceding paragraph is about all you actually need to know about communication. If you are legitimately concerned about communicating properly with others, try to implement the above ideas. That's a great place to begin. Below, we have provided more ideas for those who are interested in delving into the subject. However, if you can grasp and practice and make a habit of doing the things listed above, you will become a decent communicator and find a whole new world out there. Our self-centered minds and busy lives rob us of good relationships. We must learn to love, to be lovable. It all starts with genuine concern for others and good communication skills.

Communication is a circle. What you give out must come back - or there is no communication.
Ask yourself: Are you sending out and receiving feelings, or are your just talking AT someone?

As a woman in her forties once said, she cannot get past the first phone call in internet dating because the focus of the conversation, whether thirty minutes or three hours is always a one-way street. No one wants to get involved with someone so self absorbed that they don't even have skills enough to know they are talking about themselves too much. So if you're trying to find your eternal companion, good communication skills are essential.

Keep smiling and learning! It's all in the game!

How To Win Friends & Influence People

There are plenty of great books, tapes, and seminars on relationship development and improvement. After a recent pole, Dale Carnegie's book How To Win Friends & Influence People still ranks number one. It's a simple timeless, priceless gem for the human experience. Read it with a yellow marker in hand, then when you are finished, take a couple of 3X5 cards and write down one sentence that will refresh a certain point in your mind. Keep these cards in your wallet. Pull one out whenever you are waiting somewhere. Read the sentences again and again until they become part of your psyche. This technique has helped thousands of people improve their human relationships. Click here to check out a little about Dale's book.

“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.”
Joseph Campbell

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills 
By Dr. Dorene Lehavi
 

1) Listen without judgment. The key to good communication is listening well. Save your judging for later after you have heard and understood what was said.

2) Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion. No obligation to actually being swayed, but stay open to the option.

3) Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you respond.

4) Do not be invested in being right. Being right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.

5) If your mind wanders, ask for repetition. We all are subject to distraction. Try to stay focused.

6) In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct.

7) Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read only in
other people.

8) Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful and sincere.

9) Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white, but somewhere in a gray area. Get comfortable with gray.

10) Have integrity and build trust. Don't say what you don't mean. Don't promise what you won't or can't fulfill. Follow through with any commitments you make.

Good listening skills take practice. Specific coaching may be necessary if you find you have communication issues with your boss, colleagues, subordinates, partners or personal relationships. Article compliments of: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Lehavi1.html

Stellar Communication Competence™

SIM Personal Relationship Phone/Email Coaching

Frustrated? Fighting? Can't get a 2nd date? Don't understand problem?
Want to settle an issue once and for all?

Click here