SIM DATING TIPS

HOW TO:
1. Don't wear old clothes. Something new and stylish says something. It shows you have enough self value to care about your presentation.
2. Be sure your hair is trimmed and trendy. A 60's hair style in 2009 DOES have a message. Long oily, unkempt hair has an additional message. Bleached hair with black roots has another message. On the other hand, well combed, clean hair shows you have good personal hygiene.
3. With today's dental miracles and teeth whiteners, there is no reason your teeth should be yellow, stained or even crooked. Some people will invest in the latest sports car and won't give a second thought to grossly crooked teeth. Of course, it is easy to look past something you see everyday, but a new date who has only seen a photo may be horrified when your smile unveils buck teeth! Get them repaired!
4. A little tan can be appealing whether it is natural or from a tanning bed. On the other hand, nice pearly white smooth skin is even better. With the latest laser treatments, anyone can have attractive skin without breaking the pocketbook. It's all about priorities. If your single and you want the advantage start thinking about investing some of that hard earned money into looking your best.
5. Keep in shape. OK, most American's now seem to think "average" is chubby, but the fact is that chubby is overweight, not "average". No one likes to think of themselves as fat, but who are you fooling? Certainly not the new date! Join a gym! Show that you care about your appearance and your health. No one wants to hook up with someone who doesn't care about their health because someone who doesn't care about their health will one day be an invalid to take care of. So depending on what you are looking for, BE what you are looking for.
6. Attitude is close to the top of the list. How do you treat the person you wish to have a date with? Are you courteous, helpful, interested in them? Or is it all about you, what you like, what you want, what you think, what you have? Even the best looking people cannot hold on to relationships if they don't understand what makes people tic. Read this book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
7. Most people think if they are not shy and can talk, that they are good communicators. Communication is about listening, responding with genuine interest and sharing, not dumping a bunch of opinions and facts about your personal problems or favorite movie star. See communication skills.
8. DO NOT SMOKE! Smoking is no longer popular among the middle or upper classes. When is caught on in the 40's people liked smoking because movie stars smoked, it made you look cool. In today's trend toward better health, smoking is absolutely out and those who do not smoke truly do not like smelling the stench that accompanies the habit. It's not just the breath, it's in the clothes, in the car, in the walls, in the closet. The best thing you can do for your health and relationships is to quit smoking!
9. What do you like to do? Hobbies? Volunteer work? Reading clubs? Go there. Be active in what you like. Once you have covered 1-7 above you are ready to meet someone to date. Be the person you would like to date. Smile, be friendly, and let your personality shine.
10. Don't read The Rules. Don't try to be coy or outsmart the other person. Otherwise, your coming relationship is going to begin as a game and likely end as a game. Be the real you. It doesn't matter what happens if you're real. If there is something you know is a problem, get books, get help, fix yourself, but other than that, just be genuine.

NOW HAVE FUN!

 

HOW TO:
1. While you are alone and pondering over the person who will make you happy, stop to reflect on what you have to offer.
2. Who are you? What do you have to offer someone else? Are you envisioning a thin beauty queen when you're a fat cowboy? Be realistic! In the real world, you will be lucky to find a charming lady of your own body weight. If you don't like that idea, then hit the gym, change your eating habits, become the person you are seeking, physically. Here is a list of resources for you.

The Daily Plate
NutritionData
Calorie-Count
RevolutionHealth 
Traineo
FitDay
eDiets
Weight Watchers Points Calculator
Peertrainer
SparkPeople
FoodFit


3. Are you a woman expecting or hoping to meet a well-educated, successful, rich man, but you're still living off a welfare check? Like attracts like. Success looks for success. The only "educated, rich" men who want a dependant, "can't do anything to help myself" woman are really wanting a personal slave, a toy, something they can control 24/7. Is that what you want for yourself? If not, get up and do something, go to school, start a business, stop being lazy! Become the type of person you want to meet.

Working from home

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4. Know yourself. Know what you want from a date. Be honest with yourself and with your date. If you are only looking for a few fun dates, don't dish out lines that mislead. If you are the noncommittal type and know it, like being single and have no intention of getting serious, be honest when the topic comes up. On the other hand, if you are looking for a long term relationship, marriage or an eternal soul mate, don't be afraid to express those wishes (after a few dates and cautiously. Avoid putting the pressure on a new relationship).
In order to find what you are looking for you need to have an idea of the type of person who would satisfy you over the long term. Know yourself, your likes, dislikes, hobbies, work ethic, and dreams. Opposites attract, but you need to have most things in common for the relationship to hold up over time. Opposites are opposite, meaning they are very different, like different things, don't like the same foods, enjoy different music, and maybe have no similar dreams. Attraction is great, but in the long term you need commonalities, you need to enjoy helping each other reach the peaks and soar with glee. If you can't get into basketball and his life is betting on the games, you'll be heading for the mall while he gets together with the boys. While this sounds harmless and well might be, how much better would it be if you and your lover made popcorn and jumped up and down together in the living room, cheering on your favorite team? No two people are the same - that is enough "opposite" to make it interesting! Look for similar quality, likes, dislikes, goals, hopes and dreams. This is a safer bet!

PREPARE YOURSELF!

HOW TO:
With internet dating the world is wide open, but is it really practical? Do long distance relationships work? Yes, of course, anything can work with enough effort, but the question is, do you want to add to your difficulties both during dating and after dating? Obviously, it is easier to get to know someone who lives nearby, at least in the same city. You can date, meet friends and relatives, see each other in many different situations. In long distance relationships, people can fall in love with the quality of the voice, the charm of the personality, and the fantasy of finding true love at last. In person it isn't as easy to control reactions, hide bad habits, disguise underlying issues. If you've gone through every single person in your hometown, then sure, try the next town over, but start close to home. Ask your friends if they know any singles. Try to local church, evening classes, the toastmasters, craft workshops, humanitarian projects, social clubs, singles group events, even speed dating events. Close to home dating means you'll meet someone who doesn't have to relocate (or you don't), means they like where they are living, and just makes it easier all the way around. How sad it is for people to move away from long term friends and family? Better to blend friends and family - more get-togethers, more picnics, more bonding. When you bond with someone, then bond with their children or relatives, their childhood friends, their neighbors, you are binding yourself to a community and that makes relationships a lot stronger. Of course, those rare long distance relationships that end in outstanding long term love cannot be denied. Everything is a gamble, so do what feel right to you.

GO FOR THE GUSTO!

HOW TO:
One of the best places to meet someone is at work where you see the person often and get to know them as an individual rather than a chick on the dance floor. Sure chemistry in king, but chemistry can grow in the strangest places once two people get to know each other. Working together is sort of the perfect environment to develop a liking for someone, maybe someone you would have never considered dating. We often think we know what our type is, but our type can change with enough interaction. Of course dating at work has its pitfalls and can ruin careers if two people aren't mature enough to keep their private life private. When relationship tensions are at their peak and your boss is yelling at you to produce, their could be an explosion you didn't expect. But the fact is, tons of couples meet co-workers and fall in love. In today's world where a lot of people are working from home offices, the internet, clubs, speed dating events, and travel help offset the lack of interactions with others, but it is still a tough uphill battle. Don't become a home body, couch potato! Get out with friends! Join a bowling league, a book review club, a theatre group. Take up acting. Attend acting classes. Learn a hobby. Take a pottery class (and remember 'Ghost'!) Do something you like and you will make friends. Friends know people!

SET GOALS. TAKE ACTION!

What is communication?

It is MUCH MORE than an exchanging of words!

1. COMMUNICATION IS A CIRCLE, NOT A ONE-WAY STREET!
2. A SENDER & A RECEIVER BOTH MUST PARTICIPATE.
3. A SENDER SPEAKS AND EXPRESSES CONCERNS, THOUGHTS, OPINIONS, DESIRES IN A CLEAR, MANNER AND DOUBLE CHECKS TO SEE IF THE RECEIVER RECEIVED THE MESSAGE.
4. A RECEIVER HEARS THE MESSAGE, CONSIDERS THE MESSAGE (without thinking about what to say next), MAY REPEAT THE MEANING BACK TO THE SENDER, BUT DEFINITELY ACKNOWLEDGES RECEIVING THE INFORMATION BY: A. SPEAKING B. SHOWING GENUINE CONCERN C. BEING OPEN AND SENSITIVE D. GAINING A HEIGHTENED AWARENESS OF THE SENDER'S FEELINGS  E. ASKING QUESTIONS. WITHOUT QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS, THE SENDER WASTED HIS/HER TIME.

Until the above CIRCLE has been completed, the subject should not change, nor should the RECEIVER become the SENDER! Communication takes thought. It's a game where each player MUST participate or there is no score, no resolution, no understanding and NO communication. There is no such thing as passive communication where one person sits and listens while the other one talks. That is a lecture! However, when the RECEIVER does not participate in the communication process, the SENDER'S only two choices are to stop TRYING to communicate or continue to TRY to communicate. This puts the sender in a very awkward position. The role of RECEIVER is fifty percent of the communication process, so attempting to communicate with a non-participating RECEIVER is like playing football without a RECEIVER! No team member can score without a RECEIVER.  It just does not work that way. Communication is playing TOGETHER, trying to make something happen, trying to make life better. No SENDER can make a point, a score, or simply share thoughts and desires without an active RECEIVER.

We all share the responsibility of being a SENDER and being a RECEIVER, of taking turns to complete the circle of communication.

Here are a few links to help develop good communication skills:
SIM
SIM Communication Enhancement
Recommended web based sites:
Communication Test
Communication Skills & Confidence
Discover Proven Communication Secrets
Improving Couples' Communication
 

Where does the process go wrong? How does communication break down?

A staggering majority of people talk and think about themselves, don't listen or respond or show interest in others. If, while listening to another, you are thinking of what to say next, you're not listening. If, while listening, you are thinking how the subject relates to you and your interests, you are not listening. If, while listening, you're thinking about work, kids or the ball game, you're not listening. Listening means you listen to the words, the inflection in the voice, you watch expressions, you are genuinely interested in knowing what the other person has to say. After they finish, as a good receiver, you do not begin a discourse on your own life or your own thoughts, you RESPOND to what the person said. You ask questions that show you were actually paying attention. Those questions are followed with other questions, questions that will come naturally if you are sincerely interested. You demonstrate your interest in the person by showing concern and genuine interest in THEIR words. There is no better way to show interest and concern, than asking questions.

The preceding paragraph is about all you actually need to know about communication. If you are legitimately concerned about communicating properly with others, try to implement the above ideas. That's a great place to begin. Below, we have provided more ideas for those who are interested in delving into the subject. However, if you can grasp and practice and make a habit of doing the things listed above, you will become a decent communicator and find a whole new world out there. Our self-centered minds and busy lives rob us of good relationships. We must learn to love, to be lovable. It all starts with genuine concern for others and good communication skills.

Communication is a circle. What you give out must come back - or there is no communication.
Ask yourself: Are you sending out and receiving feelings, or are your just talking AT someone?

As a woman in her forties once said, she cannot get past the first phone call in internet dating because the focus of the conversation, whether thirty minutes or three hours is always a one-way street. No one wants to get involved with someone so self absorbed that they don't even have skills enough to know they are talking about themselves too much. So if you're trying to find your eternal companion, good communication skills are essential.

Keep smiling and learning! It's all in the game!

MORE TIPS COMING SOON!